Memoirs of a Single Mom

So there seems to be a predominance of scared "baby men" on Long Island. Sometimes I wonder if it's the water, or the air, or maybe some strange fumes they breathed in as a child. I, for the life of me have not been able to meet a REAL man in the past two years since I moved back to Long Island. I sometimes wonder if it's me, maybe I am the one who has the problem? I start to think about it and for some reason my conclusion to that theory has come up null. I have tried with all my heart and soul to be the best person I can be, to be grounded, happy and available for love. Love just hasn't found me at all. I used to be someone who always had a boyfriend and a long term relationship. I had one when I lived upstate. I met an abundance of wonderful and emotionally capable men when I lived in Utica. There were a few who came in and out of my life who were amazing...and I was the one who passed them up. I wasn't ready to get married to anyone yet, I was 24. I met Dan and I didn't even think of marriage with him until the end, when he told me he didn't ever think he could marry anyone. That's when the walls tumbled in on me and I felt at a loss. I felt like I had wasted so many years trying to find the right one, when I had passed up about 3 who were amazing and I could of been happy with. Maybe Long Island is the payback for that...maybe I lost my chance?

I still think deep down that there is one man out there waiting for me. One man who is capable of loving me and my son. A man who doesnt run at the idea of being with a carefree, funny, sexy, loving, responsible, career driven woman who is also a full-time parent to a little boy. Who wouldn't really want that? How can that not be appealing in any way? I would find my situation more appealing then the typical long Island girls that are out there. Money hungry, pre madonna leaches who want nothing more then a daddy to take care of them and their drama driven party animal lives. It's all material bullshit to them. Is that really that appealing? I am at a loss with that one.