Memoirs of a Single Mom

So I am going to have to go down to the Suffolk County offices this Friday to apply for temporary assistance. I never thought I would have to do that, but it looks like I will not be able to make my $1645.00 rent payment again this month since I only have $1,500.00 in my checking account. I haven't even been able to get Nick's school supplies (which will cost apprx. $60.00 like last year) and new school clothes.

I never had this problem last year...I always kept my head above water. I have survived here on the island for 2 years with no handouts from anyone. My mom occasionally has given me a few dollars here and there, but now things are at their worst.

I won't be able to go grocery shopping this week, again. I feel like such a leach calling my mom up every night asking what she is doing for dinner because I know I have little to make here and no freakin' money to but food. I go to the store to buy the littlest things and they cost so much! My blood pressure medication is like $30.00 a month with health insurance. Nick and his webkinz obsession has taken it's toll also and I can only blame myself for that.

To top everything off, I got hit with some bill from the IRS telling me I owe them $860.00 from my 2007 taxes from when I was on unemployment. They are saying that the unemployment office gave me more money then I put on my taxes (load of shit!). Now I have to pay this bill by Sept. 9th or they are going to tack on a $50.00 fee for every month I don't pay it.

I tried to move out of this apt. in June....I was looking for a cheaper place. I gave my apartment complex a 30 day notice informing them of my move and that I was going to opt out of my two year lease. They told me that I was supposed to give them a 60 day notice and that I was basically screwed and couldn't move until my 2 year was up next June without paying a 3 month penalty. So I am stuck here for another year paying this insane rent.

I am not complaining about my apartment. I love it here and I feel safe here for Nick and I. I really wanted to enroll Nick is Karate this fall but now I don't even think I can afford that.

I have been playing the lottery and wasting my fuckin' money trying to get rich quick so I can pay my goddamn bills. That's a waste of money in itself. I just have to admit to myself that I am officially screwed and that being a mom on her own is impossible on Long Island. I make peanuts at my job...peanuts...for the amount of work I do there.

Nick's dad gives me child support every week but it's just not covering it. He is 34 and lives with his parents, sees Nick whenever it's convenient for him and pays me the minimum of what he can to help me raise Nick on my own. Sometimes i just want to shake him and tell him to wake the fuck up and give two shits about his son for once in his goddamn life! Nick is so freakin' wonderful and amazing...how can he not see it???? Ok, I am done now...gonna go watch a movie to distract myself from throwing the towel in.